Living Within Reason

My family has never been well off. My parents are very comfortably middle class. My brother and I never went hungry, always were able to do school activities, and were always clothed. Now that I've reached adulthood I understand what a struggle it is to meet all your needs and to not confuse them with wants. As a child, parents decide what are wants and needs and how to fulfill both categories. But once I reached "adulthood"* I didn't have a guiding force to tell me no and yes. To tell me that I should probably buy groceries before I buy another pair of boots. It takes trial and error to figure out how to prioritize money and choices. Since those first few months of trial and error, I'v succeeded to live within reason, but it was easy because there was no extra money. I didn't have a choice but to spend money on rent and utilities. When you can't buy anything it's easy to say no.

But now there is a wrench thrown into my living within reason lifestyle. G just got promoted. To a very well paying position. We have extra money! And I'm fighting the urge to spend it on so many pretty things! I know I shouldn't, I don't really need anything, but MONEY. I'm trying to teach myself that our bank account does not need to hover around $50. That it's okay to have money left over after paying all the bills. That I should probably save for a rainy day. And it's hard. Seeing extra money in my checking account is like receiving a birthday card from Grandma. And I'm going to work my damnedest to save. So if I fuck up, I'm writing about it here! I really want to pretend I'm a grownup and I've been able to in most things but money management. I need to get better.

xx
Heather


*I consider my personal, true adulthood to be when I moved out and paid my own bills.